


testing waters

by ohkeiji



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji-centric, Bad Days, Gen, Mental Health Issues, bokuaka can be interpreted as platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 21:56:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15446712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohkeiji/pseuds/ohkeiji
Summary: Akaashi Keiji has a bad day.





	testing waters

**Author's Note:**

> this is tagged as teen because of bad mental health (depression/anxiety/dissociation) and poor family relationships (fighting parents)  
> if any of this could trigger you this probably isn't the fic for you!

A door slammed open downstairs, people were yelling two doors over, and Keiji did not want to get out of bed.

He stared at the ceiling, feeling a heavy, heavy lump in his chest as he thought of anything he’d do _except_ for get out of bed: get hit by a bus, get stung by a wasp, having Kuroo serenade him for five hours straight.

But when he glanced over and read the time, Keiji mustered up all his willpower and sat up in bed, pushing himself with his arms. He felt oddly light-headed, and when he swung his feet down to the floor he was unsure of if they were actually his feet.

At this point, the teenager had realized this wasn’t going to be a good day. They happened from time to time, and it wasn’t like these bad days were anything new, but they were unenjoyable for everyone who made contact with Keiji, including Keiji himself.

He slowly got ready for school, messing up on his tie twice before he got it right, and ignored his parents argument from down the hall. He could hear his older sister still in the kitchen, and decided he could skip breakfast that day-- he wasn’t hungry, anyways.

Keiji walked to school in a bit of a daze, absent-mindedly greeting his neighbors and squinting when the sun got into his eyes. It was only when he got to school that he realized he had neglected to wait for Koutarou. The two walked to and from school together everyday, and Keiji had forgotten.

Hit with a sudden wave of guilt and anxiousness, Keiji quickly pulled out his phone. His hands felt cold and were visibly shaking as he typed out a message for Koutarou.

**_To: Koutarou_ **

_Im sorry, I forgot to wait for you thsi morning_

**_To: Koutarou_ **

_*this sorry forthe typo_

**_To: Koutarou_ **

_*for the_

Keiji pressed his lips into a thin line, already feeling overwhelmed from a mere typo. A buzz from his phone seconds later distracted him, thankfully, and Keiji read the text from Koutarou and felt some of the anxiety leave him.

**_From: Koutarou_ **

_no worries dont sweat it keiji!!_

Keiji was about to put away his phone, until it vibrated with yet another message.

**_From: Koutarou_ **

_alsooo, can we meet outside ur classroom when i get here?? i’ll be there in like 5ish minutes!_

And-- oh, there it was. Another crippling wave of nerves flooded through Keiji. _Why does he want to meet up? Did something happen? Is it because I left him behind?_

**_To: Koutarou_ **

_ok_

**_From: Koutarou_ **

_see ya in a few!!!_

Keiji walked to his classroom in a daze, heart pounding quickly and hands tight around the strap of his bag as he stood. The sudden taste of blood in his mouth made he blink, and he mentally chided himself for chewing the inside of his cheek. It was a nervous habit, one that he just couldn’t break, and the scarred flesh inside his mouth was proof of it.

“Hey, what’s with the weird expression?” Keiji deadpanned at Koutarou’s question, or at least tried to. He swallowed to get rid of the iron taste.

“Nothing.” Keiji spoke quietly, being cautious not to open his mouth too wide as his mouth was still bleeding.

Koutarou didn’t say anything to that, instead opening up his bag and pulling out a water bottle. The younger boy took it without a word, uncapping it and drinking as Koutarou continued to rummage through his bag.

The bottle was cool against Keiji’s fingers, and he gripped it tightly, causing the plastic to cave in on itself with a scrunching noise.

“Ah, here it is!” Koutarou grinned and handed Keiji a granola bar.

“Hm?” Keiji took it.

“Did you eat this morning?” Keiji looked away before shaking his head. “That’s why I gave it to you, then! I need to make sure you’re healthy as possible!”

Keiji didn’t respond to that, staring at the wall to the left of Koutarou’s face instead of actually looking at him. He knew Koutarou was trying to test the waters, trying to see just how off of a day it was going to be for Keiji, but the curly haired boy couldn’t even muster up enough energy to play along and pretend things were okay.

“Hey.” Koutarou lowered his voice so the other students in the hall wouldn’t be able to overhear him. “Will you be alright today?”

Keiji wasn’t sure, so he just turned his head to the side so he couldn’t see Koutarou.

“Do you need to go home?” Koutarou sounded concerned, and Keiji tried to push away the guilt. He knew he was being difficult, but his thoughts were too all-over-the-place to actually figure out how to _not_ be difficult and just cooperate.

“I have… a quiz.” How he managed to get the words out, Keiji wasn’t sure. Before Koutarou could ask another question, Keiji mumbled a quick goodbye and ducked into his classroom, though there were still ten or so minutes until his lessons started.

No one approached him, and Keiji was thankful. He just wanted to put his head down on his desk and sleep. Instead, he pulled out some supplies from his bag and set them on his desk, then proceeded to zone out and stare at the wall.

He did his work absent-mindedly, working on auto-pilot as the hours passed. By the time his last class had ended, Keiji was surprised to find he had even written anything down. He had a page and a half of vague notes, but that was better than normal.

However, the slight positive was quickly forgotten when he saw Koutarou outside his classroom, and his stomach dropped as he remembered-- _volleyball_.

“Hey, are you up for practice today?” Koutarou questioned as the two walked towards the locker room.

Dread sat heavy on his shoulders. “No.”

“I’ll tell coach.” Koutarou smiled something soft, he didn’t grin, and Keiji was slightly comforted by the genuineness of the gesture.

“Thank you.” He bobbed his head. The two split apart, with Koutarou going to the gym and Keiji exiting the school.

Though he nearly stumbled into three poles and almost got hit by a car, Keiji made it home alive. Not alive and well, but alive. His parents attempted conversation, but Keiji wasn’t in the mood and only gave half-hearted answers. His parents proceeded to get angry, but somehow their original anger at Keiji shifted so his mother and father were angry at _each other_ , and they were yelling again and it was too much, too loud--

His hands twitched at his sides, and Keiji sucked in a quick breath as he turned and left the kitchen. Everything was simultaneously too bright and too loud but too dull and too fuzzy and too soft, and a noise of confusion and confliction left Keiji as he closed the door behind him. Without taking off his shoes or uniform, he lay back in bed and pulled the comforter up over his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

He must have fallen asleep, because when he next opened his eyes it was quiet and seemed darker than before, though he couldn’t tell because of the blanket over his head.

Keiji lay there, staring into the darkness and blinking slowly. His head ached, but the weight on his chest had lessened a bit, and his hands had _finally_ stopped shaking.

It took some motivation, but Keiji eventually peeked out over the top of his comforter. He was only half surprised to see Koutarou asleep on his desk-- he tended to visit after or during a bad day.

Keiji got out of bed, a bit wobbly on his feet. He realized he still had his shoes on and kicked them off, and was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to take everything off, like his clothes were made of dirt and germs and if he kept them on he’d be sick.

He shook Koutarou’s shoulder, and the teenager slurred out nonsense. With a sigh, Keiji shook his shoulder again, this time a bit more roughly, and Koutarou opened his eyes and sat straight up when he saw Keiji in front of him.

“I need to shower.” Keiji informed him. Koutarou just nodded, so Keiji left the room and came back in ten minutes later, wearing boxers and a t-shirt.

“Are you feeling any better?” Koutarou handed Keiji a bowl of something steaming and some chopsticks, and the younger boy nodded.

“Sort of.” He paused. “I think I should be okay by tomorrow.”

“Okay.” The two fell silent as Keiji ate-- the teen hadn’t realized just how hungry he was.

“Did you eat anything today?” The older boy asked quietly. Keiji sighed, shaking his head and trying not to let the guilt get to him.

“Don’t think so.” He responded. His hands felt warm from the hot bowl. They had been cold nearly all day, it was a nice change.

Koutarou was good at hiding his negative emotions, Keiji thought. If he was disappointed or upset that Keiji hadn’t eaten, he didn’t show it. That was good, he thought. Keiji knew he didn’t react well to bad emotions like that when it was one of those days.

“Oh, I asked around and managed to find some notes from a classmate of yours.” Koutarou gestured to the papers on the desk in front of him.

“Koutarou, please don’t pester my classmates.” Keiji deadpanned.

“I didn’t pester them!” Koutarou protested, but he was smiling.

Keiji raised an eyebrow, “Okay.” The banter felt more natural.

 Koutarou whined again, and Keiji almost felt normal again. And almost normal was better than not normal at all, he thought.

**Author's Note:**

> can you tell that i vented all my problems through akaashi whenever i wrote this lmao  
> uhhh idk what else to say i'll probably post again tmrw/the day after so keep an eye out if you want :P  
> kudos/comments are appreciated!


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